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I feel like as soon as I conceive I tend to shut down. In a way, I become so secretive about my unborn, about my journey, and it’s partially because of my past. I legit feel like I have unspoken PTSD as a result of my previous miscarriages. Although they happened before my four year old, I never really got over the emptiness that I felt after having surgery to remove my unborn embryo in 2011.

I guard my tongue, I stress, especially in the stages where I’m unable to feel the baby move! I become paranoid, forgetting that God is in control and he brought me this far to deliver, not let me down. Now, at almost 5 months pregnant, I can feel the baby move, I’m less paranoid as soon as the flutters start. I meditate more, I sage more, I offer affirmations and speak life into the life that I envision for my children.

Motherhood is a scary road, but it should be savored, it should be a time to connect. Although our hormones are all over the place, try to re-center, try to derail your thoughts with the reality that you are creating life. There is no blessing greater than the ability to create. I hope this helps someone!